Being Present in your Relationship


There are several qualities a feminine partner is looking for in you, whether we are talking about finding a new partner or strengthening an existing relationship. But none are quite so powerful as presence

More than a 'technique', this is a quality that is essential to the masculine male being able to master any area of his life. 

Presence means exactly what is implies - being present, in the moment, 100%. Not allowing the mind to wander, it means having your mind completely on the job at hand. At work, this allows for tasks to be completed efficiently without distraction. In sport it's being goal-oriented and becoming a difficult opponent for your opposition. In parenting, your attention is completely with your children, making them feel reassured in your role as their protector and provider.

As with in parenting, in your relationship the power of your presence lies in the fact that it is actually more important and directly beneficial to another person - your romantic partner in this case.

Have you ever seen a couple at a table in a restaurant where one or both of them have their phones out? Raquel and I die a little inside whenever we see this. In this age of smart phones and tablets and general over-stimulation, the quality of presence is diminishing.

And this is why more than ever, women are starving for presence. Your presence to the feminine being is proof that they are important to you, that they matter. Remember, that the three U's that kill romance and passion for a woman is when in a relationship she feels Unloved, Unappreciated and/or Unsafe. Your presence helps to dissolve all three.

If you are 100% in the moment with her (and emotionally open which is a separate thing), then she can feel loved. It means also that she is appreciated if despite all other distractions - either in the environment or in your own thoughts - you are choosing to focus only on her. And if you are alert in your presence, you are solid. In the Japanese martial arts, this is what was explained to me as fudoshin which translates as something like 'immoveable mind'. It's part of the mind-state of the warrior. This allows her to feel safe in your love and safe in general. 

Presence, more than anything else is what allows her to open up to you in love. And in sex, no 'move' is sexier than her feeling that in that moment, nothing else in the universe exists for you other than her.

In the next post: how to practice being present.