…you're not obliged to be obliging or pleasing, or even be happy or pleasant…
I was honoured when Kim asked me to be on her podcast (and impressed with the ballsy way in which she approached me, which we discuss in the interview! )
And as she points out in this podcast, I had resistance as we encroached on subjects involving situations from my childhood that I've never spoken or written about publicly before.
How many times in your life have you felt truly seen?
To be ‘seen’ means to feel that you have been heard, listened to, and deeply understood.
What if, the secret to feeling seen more often, lies not in other people’s ability to see us, but in our ability to let ourselves be seen and to see ourselves?
[Originally an FB status... if we're not friends on there already, add me!)
I was a bit cautious, maybe even a bit nervous, leading up to the Embody the Wild workshop.
But I'm happy to say it went incredibly well (these are only some of the attendees, BTW)
Here's what I learned...
My partner in crime is a frikkin' WELL of wisdom and infinitely sensitive to people's needs. Well, I knew this, but after our first workshop together I really KNOW it, you know?
I would never have held a women's workshop like this alone, but after working with Andrea Balboni I can really FEEL why.
Her insight into the intricate sensitivities in the collective feminine are invaluable.
I learned that there is SOOOO much healing to be done in both men and women.
I learned how much respect is deserved to those women who are brave enough to dare to start to open.
Also, it was a beautiful experience - for me personally - to feel so trusted by women (many of whom had never met me before).
(Here's a little insight into men... trusting them helps to make them trustable... but that's a whole other post...maybe even an article).
And as always with workshops, helping people in their transformational journey is beyond words.
'Recover'... the word origin is apparently from the Latin recuperare meaning to ‘get again’; to reclaim something that is yours. This implies that the process of recovering - in the healing sense - is to have back again a state of health and serenity.
But it is interesting how another angle on the current English could be 're-cover' - to cover up again.
When it comes to 'recovery' in the sense of personal or spiritual development, I wonder how many of us are simply re-covering up the stuff we don't want to face; our shit. Even with things that are supposedly good for us - yoga, exercise, workshops, books, even creative and artistic pursuits.
I know I do this.
And I see this a lot in our culture. An addiction to feeling good or OK.
A powerful and difficult question to ask ourselves is "How much of what I am doing is simply to NOT feel bad?"
Facing our shit is hard, and I don't expect anyone to be able to just 'do it'. Sometimes, we have covered up for so long and swept so much shit under the carpet, that we can only start to clear it out a little bit at a time.
Simply lifting up the entire carpet in one go and clearing it out is an almost impossible and potentially dangerous approach for most of us.
The first step is recognizing that we have shit (feelings, memories, beliefs) that we are avoiding experiencing. Then, knowing that the only way through to the other side of our unwanted stuff is THROUGH it, then slowly and consistently looking at what we have been sweeping under that carpet.
This is why dealing with these parts of ourselves is reserved for the therapy room, retreats and our personal practice. It's not impossible to do this on some level throughout the day in our daily lives, but for most of us, getting things done in our modern lives does not allow space for this. We have to show up as a certain kind of person at work, we have to be present with our children and be able to function as their caregivers. Our partners have often - rightly or wrongly - come to depend on us to some degree.
Looking at our shit impacts all of these.
With this said, it is still important to dedicate time and effort to recovery; recovering our peace and wellbeing. Because no matter how much we re-cover-up our shit, it will still be waiting for us and this will also impact our work, responsibilities and relationships ultimately.
Timing is crucial and requires wisdom. There is a time to get on with life and there is a time to process and integrate our shit. How often and how much is dependant on how much shit we are talking about, how much life-responsibility we have and what our capacity to process the shit is.
There is no one way for all. But we have to start somewhere and keep going no matter how small those steps.