Embodied Relating is a term I use to describe the body of work I do in the relationships and intimacy realm. As a whole, it is a multi-faceted transformational process for individuals who are:
In a Relationship and wanting to deepen connection, heal a particular wound in the relationship itself or bring polarity back into intimacy
Seeking a Relationship but without repeating the same old unhealthy patterns or wanting to break a long spell of being alone
Healing from the Ending of a Relationship with the aim of consciously uncoupling in a way that feels like the opening of a new door in life instead of the painful shutting and locking of an old one
COUPLES AND INDIVIDUALS
The work can be done for couples, one half of a partnership or single people – of all genders and sexual orientations. In working with couples, there are several exercises and practices that involve both parties working together, but ultimately, each person is on their own journey of growth. As such, the focus is on each person’s relationship to themselves so as to not just ‘fix’ the relationship, but guide that person into a new phase of life for them!
Often, it seems that the method of communication is where the problem lies when a relationship become difficult to manage. And while there are tried and tested ‘rules’ and formulas for how to appropriately word what we want to say (so as not to assign blame and risk triggering a ‘fight’ response in the other, for example), at the heart of conscious communication is emotional intelligence.
This involves taking radical self-ownership of our inner world that cannot be achieved by simply being advised to do so or intellectually understanding that ‘we are responsible for our feelings’. At the heart of achieving this state of self-sovereignty, is feeling into (not thinking about) our emotional state – and this involves the physical body.
The ‘embodied’ part of Embodied Relating, then, is often a missing piece in most relationship counselling that is tends to be limited to chair-bound talking only.
HEALING TAKES PLACE IN THE BODY
‘Triggering’ is the general term used to describe moments when an emotional button gets pushed and we experience an uncontrollable and ‘unwanted’ emotion as a consequence. This may be anger as a result of something that was said or done, a feeling of being ‘trapped’ at a certain point in a new relationship, an involuntary ‘shutting down’ in moments of intimacy or a fear of coming out of isolation – to name only a few examples, in an infinite number possible trigger points.
In all cases, the thing that gets triggered is what can be understood as trauma. When we experience something that the fear-centre of the brain recognises as being similar to an event or period of time in our past in which we got hurt, it triggers a series of responses that are designed to keep us safe – even if those responses are somehow inappropriate or otherwise problematic in themselves.
Unfortunately, the human nervous system is wired in such a way that it prioritises safety over happiness, love or connection. And this very fact sits at the heart of many of our problems, particularly in relationships.
In an increasing number of healing and therapeutic modalities, it is recognised that painful emotions exist to a large degree in the physical body. Indeed, this is where we really ‘feel’ them, and also where the focus must be in managing a triggered state.
In Embodied Relating then, a number of physical processes can be used to move through and/or integrate certain trigger points so that their effects can be managed/reduced;
Simple movement practices
SHADOW TANTRA & ARCHETYPAL EMBODIMENT IN INTIMACY
Shadow Tantra is a phrase I and other professionals use to describe a body of work that involves exploring the darker spectrum of our human nature, often using tantric principles as a framework of understanding.
Whereas love comes from sameness – resonating with another through similarity - passion comes from the degree of separation in what are understood to be the ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ polls (regardless of sexual orientation or gender) in the tantric traditions. These can be thought of as ‘order and chaos’, ‘presence and pleasure’ or ‘Logos and Eros’.
Through the body, you are guided through processes that help you feel into your darker nature, with the understanding that ‘dark’ does not equate to ‘negative’, which at first often feels counterintuitive.
Using ‘Archetypes’ as understood in Jungian Psychology, you can be safely guided to step into the untamed parts of your nature that sit deep in the subconscious, allowing you to experience and express your ‘dark’ and your ‘wild’.
In the same way that Warrior Embodiment work is for finding ‘teeth’ and ‘claws’ for the purpose of self-development and self-protection, those same teeth and claws can be used in other areas of life...
EXPERIENCE EMBODIED RELATING
Next Event: TBC
Private Coaching: Please use the contact page to enquire