One of the biggest problems I encounter in men time and time again is that they're too brainy. That is to say, they live in their heads and try to solve relationship problems with their intellect.
Let me explain...
The feminine is all about the flow of love. This is your woman's primary concern in relationship and most likely, in life. She's acutely aware of any moments when love is not flowing or growing and when she feels this, she'll let you know in any number of ways - consciously or unconsciously.
Note that I said 'feels' the state of love, not 'thinks' about it. Because the only real way to feel, express, spread and grow love is through the body. This is where love lives.
Many men are programmed to use their brains to solve the problems in their lives. Because in work, this is often what is required; cognitive skill is often the best tool for the job.
But in love, this isn't the case.
Consider sport. And I don't mean chess I mean a proper sport sport - football, boxing, rugby, even table tennis! When playing these are you constantly planning, thinking, strategizing? Or are you being there in the moment; your BODY reacting to the ever-changing situation? Or course your brain is involved - and quite lot biologically speaking - but can you really say you 'think' about every kick or hit or sprint or jump just before you do it?
No. You just do what you FEEL in that instant.
And this is what she wants from you in love. Not your thinking brain. She doesn't need you to be oh-so clever in your relationship.
She wants to feel you. She wants to feel what you feel.
Specifically, she wants to feel you wanting her. This is the primary yearning of the feminine; "I want to feel you wanting me".
Knowing this, men often then THINK about things to do so she feels wanted. Surprises... flowers and stuff. And that's OK. She'll appreciate it.
But thinking that you should maybe buy her something on the way home because you remembered she said she likes surprises and therefore she'll like that, is one thing.
It's entirely another to be tuned into your love for her - in your BODY - that the feeling to do something for her just arises out of that love is something else entirely.
And that's what she wants; for you to feel your love, admiration, and wanting that exists in your body.
How to get out of your head and into your body?
Below are two exercises taken from my Relationship Blueprint which you can download in full for free when you enter your email address in form at the bottom of the site.
There is very little technique to this, but it is easily one of the most powerful solo-practice exercises I offer.
Standing with your feet a comfortable distance apart, start to bounce gently on the balls of your feet with your heel raise slightly off the ground. As you bounce, let your neck and shoulders relax. Feel your shoulders bounce and your head wobble or maybe drop down slightly. As you let go of all tension in the arms, they will move around by themselves. Completely relax your hands and let them shake too. As you relax into the shaking, become aware of your breathing. Relax your jaw and let your mouth hang open. If you notice sound coming out of your mouth during the exhalations, let it happen. Encourage it even. Let the sound come from deep in your belly. You may feel like shaking your head from side to side too. Keep the mouth and muscles in the face relaxed – all muscles relaxed.
And yes, you look a little insane when you do this. Don’t worry about that.
Do this for around 2-5 minutes or longer if you like. But remember I’m encouraging you to do this every day. When it comes to most practices in life, practice done in small doses but consistently, beat irregular bouts of intensity almost every time.
Rooting is designed to keep you grounded by keeping your energy in the lower body and preventing you from ‘living in your head’. When grounded, you will be calmer and more focussed and generally less flappable. The decisions you make while in a grounded/centred stated will be made with more clarity and people can feel a difference in your energy when you act from this place. Your emotional responses will be steadier and you will be in a better place of mindfulness to observe your feelings as they arise as opposed to instantly identifying with them and ‘reacting’.
We can help to ingrain this state by practicing the rooting exercise. To root yourself, follow the bellow steps. You can close your eyes completely or allow the eyelids to simply relax as you let your vision gently focus on one area.
1) Standing or sitting up straight in a chair, have your feet planted firmly on the floor. Gently stamp your feet a little. Become aware of their firm contact with the ground.
2) Breathe in, preferably through the nose with the mouth gently closed. Breathe down into your belly - imagine the breath travelling all the way down to below your navel. Imagine that your lungs are located there, as if you are filling a balloon in your belly with your inhalation. Feel your abdomen expand.
3) Allow the air to travel back up and out, again preferably through the nose, when it feels time to do so. Don't force it. Feel the belly relax as it naturally contracts back to its neutral position.
4) Repeat this cycle and get into a gentle, natural rhythm. When you are comfortable, start to simply observe the process as it happens almost by itself. Just notice the breath as it enters and exits the body.
5) Having got into this rhythm, now again become aware of your feet that are planted firmly on the ground. Feel them perhaps become heavy, maybe even imagine them sinking into the ground...
6) Now feel as if roots where growing out of the soles of your feet. See them reaching into the ground and becoming as one with the earth beneath you.
7) Notice that feeling of solidity. Feel your legs rooted into the ground. Now in your own time, open your eyes if they were closed or refocus them if you were staring at a single point. Feel yourself come back out of this meditative state and be back in the room, in the here and now (if you felt like you left it).
Try and recall this feeling whenever you are seated throughout the day. Do this every day and I promise you massive changes will take place in you.