You're a good man. You want to do right by your children and serve them as best you can. You want to provide for them. You want to know; "What is the single kindest and most loving act I can do for them?"
Here it is:
I'm not talking about making sure you're in a cheery mood, always smiling and trying to create a happy-clappy atmosphere whenever you're in the presence of your children.
I mean, become truly happy, content and free in your life. For you. Not for them or anyone else.
Do the hard work it takes to become a man who is confident and determined in life. Be a man who is able to open his heart up and feel whatever is going on with him and express that. Strive to identify all your issues - because trust me, you have 'em - and do the self-work necessary to iron them out. Locate any abandonment fears, controlling tendencies or self-love issues that your own parents installed in you and work on them.
Because here's the thing: you have those issues because your parents didn't deal with theirs. They exposed you to them (even if unknowingly) and as a child, you not only learned a false lesson in how life works, you blamed yourself for their unhappiness/anger/disconnection.
In the mind of a child, they on some level think that they are the center of the universe - because their view of the world is only through their tiny inexperienced eyes. And so they make an assumption that everything that goes on at home, is somehow because of or about them.
Including, and especially, any dysfunction they witness.
And this is what is happening with your children - all the time. The hard truth is, any time you lose your temper, have a disagreement with your lady, are depressed because you hate your job, your kids think it's their fault.
There's nothing you can do about that. It's just the way they are wired. But what you can do, is strive towards your own happiness. Study yourself, become your own practical psychologist and do the work necessary to get to a place where your default setting is one of being present and open-hearted. Where you are honest about your feelings and where your integrity is strong and you can be relied upon.
I say default setting because another truth is that there will always come times when you are unhappy or angry or just not in a good place. But when that happens, a good man will consciously take the time to work on that. To work on himself - whether that means taking a break from his daily life, meditating, reflecting, crying ... whatever it takes. What he won't do is bottle it up or hide it or try to distract himself from it.
There are various kinds of abuse a child can suffer. But ultimately, all child abuse can be reduced to an adult who doesn't take ownership of their shit. And worse still, vents it on their children and knowingly or unknowingly makes those children feel responsible for it.
And so, truly, the most loving thing you can do for your children, is love yourself first.
When you love yourself, your love for them flows to them unhindered and they can feel it more. When you take care of you, they can feel that and trust that you will always take care of them.
Starting today, vow to take ownership of YOUR shit and make this as much of a priority as you do making a living and putting food on your table.
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